There is no question that going through a divorce is an emotional journey that tugs at our heart and has us wondering who am I and where am I? In the divorce journey I took I know how difficult it was not to have any contact with my wife after I left our home. I drove away with some belongings and we did not talk directly for some thirteen years.
Divorce occurs when two people come to a decision that the relationship just isn’t working. It unusually comes with big feelings such as anger, regret or guilt as one person makes the choice that they have to leave. The process has lots of legal constructs around it as assets are divided up and parenting issues are worked out. The feelings of loss are present through the whole thing. You may have forgotten who you are as your essential self got lost in the relationship. Many of us compromise our lives to make the relationship work. We had forgotten that our heart can guide us.
When I have asked clients how they felt in the relationship, it is not uncommon for one of them to say they knew for a long time it wasn’t working but they forged ahead anyway in the hopes that things would get better. One fellow said, “I thought if I ignored the troubles we were having that they would just go away”. As you might guess they did not go away and the couple got a divorce.
Here’s the possibility. What if, when there is a “turn in the road” of life that our capacity to see beyond the pain is awakened. This is not to diminish the difficulty of experiencing the separation, yet within all of us is an intelligent heart that when activated opens the doors of our creativity, intellect and imagination.
You get to see that you can not only recover from the divorce. You get to experience thriving in your life on a new path that has been presented to you.
Howard Parsons
Author, Moving On Through Divorce
My mother was the queen of her kitchen, so when she accepted help it was on her terms. “Too many cooks spoil the broth,” she would say.
That philosophy, I thought, worked for me for decades. It was a strategy I took into my personal and business life so that I would take on and complete projects on my own with input only as I directed it.
Not such a good strategy, I learned when you are writing a book. Yes, we have written, “Moving On Through Divorce”, bringing together of the knowledge and experience of the twenty years Kerry and I have been coaching men and women through divorce and life transition.
I found I was holding my breath when I had people read the book and asked for comments. Here I was totally exposed to the whim of a reader without any shield to their feedback. What I learned amazed me.
We have created a better book by having several “cooks” involved in it. Little did I realize that if I let go of my old “too many cooks spoil the broth” strategy that there might be a better outcome.
The tension in my gut slowly dissipated as I got feedback from friends and family as to what would make this a better book. You’ll have the opportunity to do the same when it hits the stores on December 6th.
How long have you held on to old strategies that no longer work for you? I suggest you have a look and see what the possibilities are when you let go and involve more “cooks” in making your “broth”.
Howard Parsons
Have you ever made a promise to do something and really believed in your heart that you would do it?
We have, and many years have gone by and we had not fulfilled our promise, until now. We promised to write a book about our Moving On work. We had hundreds of people ask us over the years to write a book. We promised to write it. We believed we would write the book. Yet, life got in the away of anything tangible happening.
No matter who asked and how many times the question came up our answer was always the same. You bet we are working on it!
Life gets in the way of doing what you say you are going to do. Along the way, who gets disappointed?
Yes, the people who asked for the promise are disappointed nothing happened when you said it would. However, in reality the person most disappointed is you.
Now, our book is written. It will be launched on December 6th. We can all congratulate ourselves. Our letting go is in releasing the judgement that it took so long.
If you have made a promise, go ahead and just start fulfilling your promise. Get it done sooner than later. You won’t regret it
We are thrilled with our accomplishment and so will you be when you fulfill your promise. The good feeling will roll through you and you will smile at what you have accomplished.
Howard Parsons
The man in his early forties painfully walked up the street leaning into the cold fall wind. The black cane supported his moments and the wind tore at his thin jacket. He stopped in front of the large old house that housed the counselling offices. Slowly he worked his way up the steps as one more blast of wind reminded him that summer was now a memory.
John had been in a terrible accident after a night of drinking and now he was facing an impaired driving charge. He had been under emotional strain the last number of months having lost his job. The strain was showing in his relationship with his wife and children.
Hope was something John had lost. He could not see possibility now where just a few short years ago anyone would have said he was destined for success.
Sharon, the counsellor, knew John had so much within him of which he was unaware. She had the understanding that John’s negative thinking had turned into negative action that had taken him to lows not thought possible.
Sharon asked John if he had had enough misery. “Yes”, he said, “for a lifetime”.
Through their conversation John said he was willing to do whatever it took to change his attitude, behaviours and his way of looking at his life.
Sharon spoke of a daily practice of journaling, mediation, reading and engaging in positive activities like getting to the gym and physio.
Their agreement about healing and possibility was an important turning point in John’s life. After a few months he was working again, his family life was improving and he had stopped drinking.
The possibility of a new dream came into John’s life and he vowed not to turn it away.
Howard Parsons
A friend of mine was heading home in her boat along the coastline when a phenomenon familiar to those who live by the sea called a white out occurred. In this state the visibility is near zero. Now what was she to do? She turned off her engine and drifted waiting for a clearing. She then heard the sound of whales nearby. She decided to follow them knowing they would not crash into something and they were going her way.
My friend loved the whales. She experienced them as connected conscious beings capable of communication with humans. The first nation people have long held the whales as spiritual connectors and healers. As she followed them she was confident that the whales would take her close to home. She gave a prayer of thanks to them that they were there to guide her.
The whales stayed alongside her boat as if they knew she needed them. Then after about one and a half hours one of the whales swam up and across the bow of the boat as though asking her to turn left. She followed and turned the boat in a new direction. After some time the white out started to clear and she could see a dock. She was ecstatic! As a matter of fact it was her dock! The whales had led her home.
What did my friend bring to this journey with the whales? She brought love, gratitude, faith and letting go. When you are in a white out of your life you need to bring love forward for yourself, your journey and your intuitive sense that can guide you. Then follow your guidance with faith, gratitude and a letting go that will guide you home.
Howard Parsons
I had a wonderful Cairn terrier for nine years, her name was Dolly. She passed on a couple of years ago but I found myself reminiscing about our relationship a few days ago. I see many parallels between human relationships and the relationship I had with my Dolly.
I remember the walks we would take together. There was a bond that was unspoken. A deep connection in which both of us knew where the other one was. It brought a peace to my soul that I knew she was there and connected to me. How connected, I wondered am I to those people around me that I love?
As she sat on the couch in the living room observing the family dynamics at dinner or when guests were over, I wondered what she would say about how present we humans were with each other.
Dolly was a Cairn terrier and as such held an attitude of, “I’ll let you know when I will give you my attention”. How often have I turned away from my friends or loved ones in my heart and said to myself, I’ll let them know when I am ready to greet them”.
I would have conversations with her about my dreams, my joys and my sorrows. She answered with a rap attention only available to an important relationship such as this one. Her silence was replaced by her wagging tail, her head on my lap and her joy that I was sharing my soulful ideas.
I wonder today what she would say about my life if she could talk.
Howard Parsons
You were a brave child in the womb. You fought for space as you grew. Your human systems matured so you could be nourished and when you were ready you made sure mom and the world knew you were coming.
Your entrance was nothing less than spectacular as the doctors, nurses and family heralded your arrival. Everyone said what a beautiful baby you were. Potential oozed out of every pour of your body and soul. It was magnificent to be a part of it for you, even though it seemed you had land in a band of strangers.
Your essential bravery was and is always intact. You just could not have made it this long without it. You have crossed rivers of trouble; you have faced amazing moments of experience that called for every fiber of your being to rise up to be the greatest moment of your life up.
Now, once again, like never before you are called to access your bravery of your essential self knowing in your heart that you arrived here with it. You realize it does not have to be created. It just needs to be recognized.
Your true bravery reacts to your thoughts of what is next. It acts on your feelings of self love and brings into being all that you imagine the future to be as surely as the process of birth could not be stopped once it started.
Your truth is bravery. You can and will bring the future you create in your heart to your reality.
Howard Parsons
The tip of your nose is where you bring in the breath of life. Oxygen is critical to your life as is the automatic system that provides for this miracle of breath in and out to occur.
As you take in the breath of life slowly and with awareness you can sense as to whether it is warm or cool. You feel it go down into your lungs and flood your body with the tingling sensation of life itself. This miracle is no less than the miracle of you.
You are a miracle as precious and important as the breath of life. You can become aware of life moving through your physical body, your emotional, intellectual and spiritual body.
The more you practice the presence of life in the moment the more you become aware and understand what is occurring at all levels of body, mind and spirit.
This gift of awareness serves you well as you navigate the hills and valleys that life brings. It is in this state of awareness that your life takes on the knowing of the miracle that you are.
Your power of awareness, understanding and knowing is of utmost importance. It is only you who can access it all for yourself. When you do access it and move into action in alignment with the knowing of the miracle that you are then decisions become informed from that place.
What a miracle to move and have your being by knowing the miracle you are!
Howard Parsons
The words by Sarah McLachlan in her song “Forgiveness” rings true for my past; “And you ask for forgiveness, you’re asking too much, I have sheltered my heart in a place you can’t touch, Don’t believe when you tell me your love is real, because you don’t know much about heaven boy, if you have to hurt to feel…”
While I was running the other day this song played on my IPod and I truly heard all the words for the first time. It described how I had been living my life for decades. Believing I was not worthy to ever be forgiven for my past wrongs and that heaven was not available for me because of the pain I had forced onto others. I sometimes wished my healing could have started when I was 20 and not 40, as it could have saved a lot further hurt.
I literally stopped in mid run and smiled knowing how untrue this is and how powerful my EGO had been most of my life. The work I have done has not come easy yet it has been the greatest gift I have given to myself. Finding forgiveness for my part first and then requesting forgiveness from those I had harmed, has changed my life from being in my own personal prison, to receiving freedom in Love.
The Power of Love and sharing it with others brings Joy to my Soul knowing, forgiveness is possible for anyone, to give and receive.
Love and Light,
Michael
You’re driving down the road and the traffic is heavy. You feel frustrated that your lane seems to be moving slower than the other one. You change lanes and for some reason the lane you are in becomes slower than the lane you were in.
Your ego voice brings the voice of criticism for the silly decision you made. If only you had stayed where you were you would have made better time.
The ego is rarely satisfied with the “lane” of your life. Your ego wants you to make changes to get somewhere faster, bigger, better.
The notion of going within to the heart of your knowing is lost in the battle of the ego. Like two fighters in a boxing ring the ego takes on the voice of the heart trying to drive your bus into a different more exotic “lane”.
STOP! Give thanks for all that your ego has given you over the years. The guidance has gotten to where you are. All your good thinking, analysis and planning have created the life you have.
Now, try meditating, walking quietly, writing in your journal and going to that place of your inner sanctuary to get the answers you need.
The inner sanctuary of your heart can be a place of peace and quiet where you tune up your listening and with intuitive confidence take your next step.
Howard Parsons
